The Nearness of God

"Draw close to God, and God will draw close to you." James 4:8a

I read this verse in a little devotional this morning and had the thought that this should be my theme verse. You know, that verse that encapsulates everything you feel about God, that you continue coming back to to provide comfort and solace when times get hard. I went to James to read the context of the passage expecting to find more of the same - a passage on how intimacy with God provides comfort. Instead what I found was a more accurate picture of what I have been living this past year.  James 4 talks about the whole army of evil desires within us. It admonishes the reader to take stock of their own motives and allow God to root out the selfishness and pride in our hearts. 

As we draw near to God, our sinfulness is exposed. I wish it weren't true in my case but for the past months (and over the past years) as I've drawn closer and closer to God, I have seen more and more of my own selfishness, my own pride, and my own sin. It is ugly and the closer I draw to God, the uglier I see it in myself. And still the process is painful. Even though I want Christ to perform sin surgery and remove it all from my life, I'm surprised by how deeply the roots of sin are in my heart. So that when God does remove sin from my life, it hurts. 

So, Merry Christmas, right? A message of pain and sin removal for this happy day. Except that it is happy. Even though it is painful and even though it grieves me to see God removing things I didn't even know existed in my life, I am close to Him. I am by His side and that is where I want to be. So when, Christ drew near to all of us 2,000 years ago, He did it so that I could draw close to God - which turns out to be the deepest and purest longing of my heart. He came for me. And He came for you. Draw close to God and He will draw close to you. The process is not painless but the pain is worth it. 

To-do list

As I worked on my computer tonight, I stumbled across an old document, collecting dust on my desktop. When I was in seminary, I kept a running list of all the assignments I needed to finish in one handy word document called "things to do." In our advanced world, it stands as a pretty primitive way for me to keep track of outstanding items that I want to accomplish but the system worked and I never unintentionally turned in assignments late. 

But since graduating from seminary, I've neglected the list. I don't have as many things to do (thank God) and I have taken to keeping track of the very important things on my calendar on my cell. But due to boredom tonight, I opened up the document and found the remains of some old items I never finished.  One was a mix CD that I planned to make for my good friend (sorry, Alissa!). Second was a reminder to look up a ministry that I might be interested in pursuing (I wonder why I never heard back from them...). And third, I have typed, "Don't forget to reveal grace every time you speak." 

I am often humored by my own ability to structure spiritual growth but tonight I was encouraged by my heart's desire to reveal grace to people as I speak. I'm sure when I originally wrote it down on my to-do list, I thought my life would be filled with speaking engagements and book deals. Today though, the words have new meaning. I spoke to a friend on the phone today and encouraged her to persevere in the path that God was calling her to. One of my students came by today and we covered the darker sides of her family with grace. Today I spoke grace, but other days my mouth is quick to criticize. And the reminder to reveal grace is something I long to keep in front of me as one of the most important tasks of my day. Every interaction I have with someone is a chance to reveal the very grace God has so abundantly given to me. So, grace remains on my to-do list (along with the mix CD and ministry recommendation).  I hope it's there to stay. 

Trusting God in Dark Times

Ruth 1:11 – But Naomi said, “Turn back, my daughters; why will you go with me?  Are there still sons in my womb, that they may be your husbands?

After Naomi’s sons and husband die, she decides to return to Bethlehem with her two daughters-in-law. The famine in Moab is merciless to these three widows but they anticipate a better future in Bethlehem. Shortly into their trip, Naomi breaks down. She tells her daughters-in-law there is no hope for them with her. They will have no one to remarry if they stay with Naomi and because of that, no children. If they leave her and return to Moab, Naomi says, they have hope of getting remarried and of a future. Naomi tells them to go home. To turn back.

Grief and pain come from different places in our lives and ministry: physical loss, financial troubles, failure, and emotional hurt. And the sorrow and heartache that emerge from these losses can cause us to question God’s direction for our life. They tempt us to give up and turn back on the plans God gave us. The Hebrews longed for the comforts of Egypt after Moses led them out of slavery (Exodus 16:3). Naomi believed the future in Moab was better for her daughters-in-law then the one with her in Bethlehem. In the face of despair and set-backs, the reliable past is more attractive than the uncertain future. When dark times inevitably come, we easily run from the plans God has for you and me. We turn away from God and return to the familiar comforts of the past. A friend recently reminded me of this quote by Raymond Edman, “Never doubt in the dark what God has revealed to you in the light.” When darkness, grief and loss threaten to derail us from the plans God has for us, we must continue to believe. We trust what He has revealed to us in the light and remain faithful to Him as He carries us through the darkness.

While Orpah choose to return to Moab, Ruth remained unmoved by Naomi’s version of her bleak future.  Ruth said, “Entreat me not to leave you or to turn back from following after you; For wherever you go , I will go; And wherever you lodge, I will lodge; Your people shall be my people, and your God, my God” (Ruth 1:16). Ruth not only declares her loyalty to Naomi but to the one true God. She is constant, faithful, and true even when the future is dark.

When life brings spiritual and physical losses that tempt us to turn back from God and His plan, we must remain faithful to Him. God sometimes leads us straight into the middle of tragedy and uncertainty to demonstrate His complete control. When we have no idea where He leads us or why, we have no choice but to trust Him every step of the way. Stay loyal to God. Be constant in your devotion to Him. Don’t turn back when the future looks bleak. Remain faithful to Him and allow Him to carry you through the darkness. 

Widows and Us

My parents are my heroes. For the past 30 years, they have been involved in equipping and training local pastors around the world. They love their job and they instilled in me a desire to seek only after Christ and to find exactly what I was made to do in this world. My dad recently asked to write a few devotionals for my parent's ministry. Below is the first of several. The thoughts are not different from what I've written on here before but these will be translated into Spanish and I just wanted to have them out (in the world?) in English so that I could as least understand them.

The book of Ruth begins with a tragedy. Famine, death, and barrenness start an unlikely story of two women, Ruth and Naomi, who have lost everything. With no husbands and no sons to provide for them in the middle of a famine, they are left with limited options. They are widows – women God has seemingly afflicted, who will no longer be anything but a burden to those who chose to help them.

Scripture talks a lot about widows and their fate. God gave Israel clear instructions on how to take care of them (Exodus 22:22, De 14:29, 24:17, 26:12). The first recorded disagreement in the New Testament church concerns neglected widows (Acts 6:1). As the church, we are commanded to take care of widows and orphans (James 1:27). The call on us to provide for those who cannot provide for themselves is clear.

But the story of Ruth is about a widow who takes care of others. Through Ruth’s unfailing love and loyalty toward her mother-in-law we see God’s unfailing love and loyalty to His children. Ruth, a foreigner, finds herself as the sole provider for her sorrow-stricken mother-in-law Naomi. With no prospects for her future, Ruth, a barren widow, becomes the unlikely person by whom God chooses to show a great story of His unfailing love.

God loves to use the people we deem unusable for His glory. The people in life we tend to place on the sidelines are the very people God moves to act for His purpose. He uses the weak to reveal His strength.

I’m continually reminded of this truth in my life when I am confronted by my own inadequacies and my own weaknesses. God demonstrates His grace and compassion through broken vessels. People like Ruth and Naomi. People like you and me.

Whether we are poor or rich. Talented or clumsy. From the highest family to no family. The best speaker or the worst.  God loves to use the weak to show His strength. And by His grace, He chooses to use us. Take refuge in Him today and trust that He will use you in your weakness to demonstrate His great power. The very thing that you think may disqualify you from ministry might be the one thing He chooses to use to bring your friends, family, and neighbors closer to Him. Widow, orphan, insecure, poor, untalented people that we are. God’s redemption story has an unlikely place for all of us. 

A Woman of Options

In the book of Ruth, we are confronted at the beginning of the story with two women who have lost it all (or never had it to begin with). They are childless, husband-less, homeless, and stranded without position or power in a world that did not place a high value on barren young women and son-less older women. They return to Bethlehem at the end of chapter 1 because they have run out of options. Naomi has made the trek home a bitter woman, ready to die around familiar surroundings and Ruth (a contingency Naomi had not planned for) seems to have no idea what she has signed up for. By all accounts, these women were destined to live their lives scraping and surviving with very few options for happiness or advancement. 

However, at the very end of Ruth 1, the writer tosses in a line that throws a wrench in what was sure to be a story that began and ended in tragedy.  It reads, "So Naomi returned, accompanied by her Moabite daughter-in-law Ruth, who came back with her from the region of Moab. (Now they arrived in Bethlehem at the beginning of the barley harvest.)" (NET).

Naomi couldn't yet understand that in the midst of her complete tragedy, God had already set in motion every single piece of the puzzle for her redemption. Ruth, her faithful daughter-in-law will prove to be of more worth than seven sons. The hunger pangs that they feel acutely will be alleviated by the barley harvest that coincidentally was starting. These women of no options served a God of unlimited options. Although Naomi saw herself without hope, God had a plan to provide. Ruth, who came to take shelter under the wings of Yahweh, found abundantly more than a barren young women could have ever dreamed.

I'm reminded of God's boundless reach today. When I question what in the world I am doing with my life, I know that God has unlimited good works for me to accomplish. When I wonder if I have screwed up my life beyond repair, I am comforted by the fact that He has plans for me to prosper and that He remembers me. God is a God of unlimited options and He is not deterred by your situation no matter how bad it may seem. Hide yourself under the wings of Christ and take refuge in his boundless plan for you.

Waiting

I would like to say that I've become good at waiting. In fact, the last year of my life has been nothing but waiting. Waiting for the right ministry position to come, waiting to use the gifts God has given me, waiting to leave my "student life" behind. But last week I whined/prayed, "When will the waiting end? When will I have the job and the life that I long for? When will I stop waiting?" The answer was clear. Not soon.

As Christians, we are taught to wait expectantly for the time when Jesus will come again. The belief that He is coming for His bride is one of the major tenets of our faith and yet at times I find myself reluctant to embrace that belief. I find myself hesitant in being expectant. I want to experience life here on earth. I want to preach and impact people for the Kingdom. I want to get married and have children. I want to see the people I love the most come to know Christ while they still have breath. I struggle with wanting Christ to come back and secretly hoping that He waits a little while longer. I need to get better at waiting. But whether or not I'm waiting for Christ to come back to earth or simply waiting for Him to show me the next steps He has for me in life, I have learned there is no better option than to wait on Him. He is the one who knows best and I look to Him solely for guidance. I wait for Christ and I wouldn't want it any other way. 

My biggest weakness...other people

"What is your biggest weakness?" I hear this question frequently in my job search. Knowing that the list is too big to dump on someone I've just met (much less, someone I want to impress), I usually make a joke about my addiction to coke products and move on to talk about how my weaknesses are really strengths. I care too much. I'm too giving. And a bunch of other crap to highlight my great achievements. However, I recently came across a job application with a much better answer. The applicant was asked what their biggest weakness was. And they answered truthfully. Other people.

Other people and their faults can often trip us up in our spiritual life. We focus on how others could improve their life without seeing where we might need correction. We make silent declarations of how the world would be better if only so-and-so were a more loving, more dedicated, more-like-us Christian.

"It seems to me that you need to be a little more big-hearted about the imperfections of other people." This quote hit me in the gut while reading a book called "Let Go," a collection of letters written during the 17th century by Fenelon, the Archbishop of Cambrai. The more perfected we are through Christ the more we see our own failings. The more we see our own failings the more grace-filled we are toward others. And the more we can approach our life honestly (even in job interviews) to see how God loves to use our true weaknesses to demonstrate His power. May Christ have mercy on us so that we can have mercy on others.

Grace

I screwed up this week. You know those sins in your life that you think you've grown out of, that you think, "Ah, I was so foolish and young back then to be tempted by that." I'm still foolish and young. And I honestly didn't know how to conceptualize it. I wanted victory in a situation that I faced but I just kept messing up and messing up and questioning whether this whole person that God was making me was just a lie that I had been telling myself. I hadn't really grown at all in this past year, much less in my whole Christian experience.

Then there was grace. As I pondered over my own growth and stupidity and worthlessness, I eventually came to God and found not condemnation but grace. I had screwed up and He had grace for me. I went to him with a filthy hands and He cleansed me. The victory this week came when I embraced grace. When I remembered again that the gospel message has nothing to do with what I have to offer God. It is simply a story of grace. This week I embraced it and this week I remembered. May I live life not in light of my failure but in the glow of God's grace.

You Don't have much Faith (a fun reality to wake up to!)

I worry about what other people think of me. I want others to look up to me. I want to be seen as "A Woman of Faith" (noble, right?). Matthew 14:22ff tells the famous story of Jesus and Peter walking on water. After Peter fails (At least he tries! I'm looking at you, other 11 disciples), Jesus reaches to save him and says, "You don't have much faith. Why did you doubt me?" (NLT). This statement crushed me. Words that cut through to the heart of who I am destroy me when they're not positive. As I read these words today, I felt for Peter. I would have been destroyed to hear Jesus say this to me. Yet, I know true freedom exists where we're known. Jesus clearly knows Peter for the man he is and not the man he wants everyone to see. And He saved Him. In the midst of his failure, He saved Peter.

Yesterday, I prayed about a possible love interest in my life (they do come up occasionally). I prayed, "God, Help ME to know how to proceed with this friendship." A fine prayer but I was giving myself way too much credit. So, instead I prayed, "Lord, I mess up my relationships. I pray for your guidance and your complete control. I confess that I will mess this up. And I pray that you will save me from my own failure, doubt, and sin. I want to walk in this friendship as I want to walk in all my life. At your side, in your shadow, and under your wing." God knows I will fail. God knows He will save me. And there is freedom there-not condemnation. May we live in light of who we truly are and not how we want others to see us. And may our faith be increased because we walk in this truth.

Looking for comfort in my little Bible concordance

Tim's Aunt Lynn died recently and I went searching the Scriptures for something that would comfort, talk about grief, be a balm to me and to them.

I looked up "comfort."  They were good passages but a lot of reasons why we will be comforted so that we can comfort others.  A truly beautiful thought, but when you've just lost someone, it is hard to see how a deeper meaning could have been worth it.

Then I looked up "grief." No luck in the little concordance in my Bible.

Then, and only then, I looked up "death."  It's hard to look death in the face. But God is not scared of it and He talks about it without words that evade.

Isaiah 25 speaks of a time in the future when God will swallow up death forever.

Today, when I think of Tim, of Lynn, of their family, I am reminded that death will not be with us forever.  And the death that eats us alive from the inside will one day be swallowed up.  That is my prayer today. For me, Tim, Lynn's family, my family, and my friends (those who believe and who don't).  Swallow up the death in our life so that we might experience the fullness of life. Amen.

Mary Katherine-ness

When the words "Moab" and "Moabite" appear in Ruth 1, they stick out like a sore thumb. This foreigner and foreign people had no business being in the middle of God's redemptive work. My name is Mary Katherine.  Those two words, which make up my name, are equally unlikely to be included in His story. But He used Ruth, even though she was a Moabite. And He uses me, even though I am full of "Mary Katherine-ness." Moabite, Mary Katherine, sinner, loser, gossiper, jealous, insecure, dirty, poor, untalented person that you are - God's redemption story has an unlikely place for you too.